I’ll be honest with you: a few years ago, I didn’t even care about the topic of abortion. I mean, I never really liked the idea of abortion—that’s for sure—but it also never really effected me, personally, you know?
I mean, I’m a guy. So, I’d never really have to confront the topic of abortion anyway, right? Also, I’m not a doctor and abortion is an incredibly nuanced debate filled with hard cases involving rape, incest, disability, or even danger to a mother’s life. So how could I have some generic opinion about a very nuanced topic?
On top of all of that, I once fancied myself a Libertarian—a person who (theoretically) upheld liberty as a core principle. “Live and let live,” I thought. “Just let people make their own choices. Who am I to judge?”
One way or another, I bought into the notion that abortion—while it was not my own personal choice—should be “safe, legal, and rare” for others and that I should just stay out of it.
And I was quite satisfied with that position until something happened that FOREVER changed my mind. It was the work of a moment—one subtle moment. In fact, the moment was so subtle that I almost didn’t realize the impact it had on me until January 22, 2019.
In January 2019, the state of New York passed a bill allowing abortions at nine months, removing any meaningful restrictions on late-term abortions. On January 22, 2019, New York City lit up the Freedom Tower (on the One World Trade Center) to celebrate the occasion. Governor Cuomo stated that the pink light would “celebrate this achievement, and shine a bright light forward for the rest of the nation to follow.”
I remember reading those words, seeing the pink light on the One World Trade Center, and feeling sick to my stomach. Then I felt angry. Something about what I was seeing felt very wrong to me—on a visceral level.
But why? Why did I feel sick and angry about something I had previously accepted? What had changed?
As I reflected on those questions, a memory slowly drifted to the surface of my mind. It was a quiet, unglamorous, moment—one you couldn’t stage on Instagram for ‘likes.’ It happened while I was at work, busily stacking boxes on the shelf of an obscure room.
My phone buzzed.
I checked the screen.
My wife had texted me something.
It was a picture.
… a picture of an ultrasound.
A phone call.
Disbelief.
She was pregnant.
Eleven weeks pregnant.
Our first pregnancy… we had no idea!
“Seth,” she said, her voice breaking. “I heard its little heartbeat.”
And that was it.
THAT was the moment that has completely changed my mind on abortion—the moment I became aware of my child’s heartbeat.
In her book, The Choice, Danielle D’Souza Gill writes:
According to Mayo Clinic, in the first trimester alone, the baby’s toes, fingernails, bendable elbows, nose, head, hormones, and heartbeat develop. Only eighteen days after conception, modern technology can detect the baby’s heartbeat. We can see it beat after about twenty-two days. From this point onward, the heart never stops beating until the moment the person passes away and is declared dead. This heartbeat is a continuous one that goes on throughout life. In just the span of conception to birth, the baby’s heart beats about fifty-four million times. The blood its heart pumps is not blood from the mother but blood the baby has produced.
Danielle D’Souza Gill
In the years since learning about my child’s heartbeat, I’ve seen that little heartbeat smile, cry, and laugh.
I’ve seen that little heartbeat crawl, walk, and tear open presents on her birthday.
I’ve watched that heartbeat’s eyes light up at the mere mention of a game, or chocolate, or anything even remotely involving princesses.
I’ve held that heartbeat’s hand while we walk to preschool, and I’ve driven that heartbeat to countless dance classes.
I’ve heard that little heartbeat sing loud, obnoxious songs, and I’ve heard her sweetly, and sincerely tell her mom “I love you.”
And now I watch that little heartbeat play with her siblings and it makes my own heart swell with gratitude—gratitude for the moment that changed everything.
Now, I’m well aware that my own experience may not change public opinion on abortion, or convince an attention-seeking Governor to light the tower of a 1,776 ft. building. But maybe—just maybe—this article will change your mind on abortion and THAT could make all the difference.
…because those little heartbeats light up the world.
